Saturday, September 02, 2006

Snow Flower Question #3

Having a wife with bound feet was a status symbol for men, and, consequently, having bound feet increased a woman's chances of marriage into a wealthier household. Women took great pride in their feet, which were considered not only beautiful but also their best and most important feature. As a child, would you have fought against having your feet bound, as Third Sister did, knowing you would be consigned to the life of a servant or a "little daughter-in-law"? As a mother, would you have chosen to bind your daughter's feet?

Seems like a few of you are still having trouble leaving comments. Since switching over to blogger in beta, I've noticed that instead of typing my standard User Name and Password, my User Name is now my e-mail address. So when I comment on another blog, I have to type in forksblog@optonline.net for my User Name and then my normal password. Maybe this would work for you guys also. If not, e-mail me your comments and I will post them myself.

12 comments:

Stephanie said...

The chapter on footbinding seemed to have an impact on most of us (based upon your comments). Knowing the pain these little girls had to go through in order to achieve what society perceived as perfect little feet is disturbing. I really don't know how to answer this one. As a mother I certainly wouldn't want to put my daughter through such a tramatic and potentially disabling experience, but what choice did these woman have? If they didn't, their daughters would never rise to any type of status in their lives. But was it worth it in the end?

Anonymous said...

The culture surrounding these mothers and daughters seemed so hostile to women. I guess many mothers must have felt that going through this pain may, ultimately, bring their daughters a "good" home, and protection. However, I must say I so identified with Third Sister. The wonderful freedom to run, explore, and experience that was described in the Milk Years was instantly destroyed once a girl's feet were bound. To me it seems to be such an act of brutality--but within that culture it was probably considered an act of caring and love. The mothers were trying to ensure their daughters a good future.

Katie J said...

This is a tough question. I can't imagine binding my daughter's feet, but I'm living in a different time and in a different culture. I know I would want the best for my daughter, so maybe I would do it. So glad I don't have to make that decision now. I think I would have fought hard against it for myself and wouldn't blame my daughter for fighting as well. In rural areas of any country, there are practices that continue without the rest of the country's knowledge, but I hope footbinding really is out of "fashion".

JerseyGirl said...

I would like to think that I would have fought against it and I would like to think that I would not subject my daughter to this kind of trauma. But, who knows? Living in that time and place I may not have had any other choice. If I chose to rebel against against the accepted practice what might become of me or my daughter. The whole thing was awful to read about. It actually made me think of the female genital mutilation issue. Here is another practice that women in many parts of the world are subjected to so that they can fit into the mold of an "ideal woman".

Andie D. said...

Like Jerseygirl, I'd like to think that I would've fought against it.

But honestly? I would likely have been thrilled to actually achieve "golden lillies" BECAUSE of what it would mean for my future. And I would probably strive for the same for my daughter, as tough as that would be.

Anonymous said...

I think at that time I certainly would have followed tradition. It was the way to a better life. I think of how we all want the best for our children and they did too. The thing that comes to mind in comparison is how some parents push their children in athletics in hopes it will be their "golden ticket" to a better life.

Cari

Anonymous said...

I would probably of done it, too. When an entire culture is doing the same thing, it probably wouldn't of seemed as wrong as it does to us now. There are things in every culture that an outsider looking in can disagree with and think that it is wrong.

Although it is not as damaging and seemingly less horrendous as foot binding, some people take their newborn daughters and get their ears peirced. They do not give them a chance to choose that for themself, and do it in the name of beauty. I thought of this modern day, our own culture, example as I was reading these passages.

Polar Bear said...

I don't think that I would have fought against the footbinding for myself. I was always a 'good girl' and didn't want to cause trouble. I would have endured the pain.

I would have fought for my daughter though. I was amazed that these women went through such pain, and then didn't think twice about doing it to their daughters. I understand that security and status was very important back then, but what a price they had to pay for it.

Mrs Pushy said...

Knowing the child that I was, I probably would have gone through the footbinding without much of a fight. I was a child who was not raised by my mother, so I was constantly seeking approval/ validation from adults around me. Lily seemed to really need this from her mother as well, and with this type of attitude being so engrained in Chinese culture (the constant seeking of validation since you are considered lowly), I can see how a lot of children went through it without a fight. As a mother, I can't say what I would have done. Your talking about a different culture, a different set of rules to live and die by. It doesn't seem like I can imagine, sitting here in my 3,000 square foot house in sweat pants and socks (unbinded feet) without children or a job, what it would be like to be in that position. I could easily say NO, I would never put my daughter through any amount of pain like that. But here I sit in my ergonomic desk chair.

Anonymous said...

I honestly can not imagine being able to do such a thing to my own daughter. But, these women had such different views of their daughters than I would ever have. Knowing my personality, I'd prob. be the "brave" older sister & suck it up vs. fight against the binding.

On another note...I have incredibly wide feet - so I wonder how my feet would have "bound" - would I have become a little daughter-in-law simply b/c of the shape of my feet?

XO,WZGIRL/buttercup

Anonymous said...

Sorry I'm late in the conversation - I'm out of town and not feeling well. Anyhoo, one thing that struck me as I was reading towards the end of the book, when Lily was discussing her daughters' footbinding in a very detached way, which seemed so odd given the suffering that Lily had gone through. These women, and men for that matter, had to have had a different view of pain than we have. I pop aspirins at the slightest hint of a headache forming, and Snow Flower suffered through cancer without any hint of pain management. So I think it's hard to say what I would or wouldn't do, because the context is all wrong. But, given the fact that I wore a head-gear and braces for 2 1/2 years just to have straight teeth, I probably would not have fought against the footbinding. As Katie said, thank heavens I don't have to make that decision for my daughter.

Anonymous said...

Like others, I would like to think that my reaction would be to resist the footbinding, either for myself or my daughter, but in all likelihood, given the culture and time period in which this occurred, I would probably have done what was expected of me as a proper daughter, and later, mother.